


you're my favourite color

by dreaminginmint



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anxiety, Best Friends, Canon Related, Childhood Friends, Childhood Memories, Fluff and Angst, Insomnia, M/M, Soulmate AU, Tsukishima Kei is Bad at Feelings, mostly Yamaguchi's POV
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-11
Updated: 2016-12-19
Packaged: 2018-08-08 00:35:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7736176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreaminginmint/pseuds/dreaminginmint
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Imagine seeing the world just in black and white and shades in between. There's just one cure. Your soulmate. </p><p>Yamaguchi Tadashi was in third grade when his world was colored in by a pair of golden- brown eyes. It took him quite some time to realise that the heat in his chest in that moment meant something too.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. and suddenly there's color

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just can't do much editing right now but I will do it when I upload the next chapter  
> I hope you like it anyways, I'm sorry if there are some major mistakes

Yamaguchi felt himself falling onto the ground hitting the sand hard with his butt. That hurt. Why did these bullies have to pick on him? His vision was blurry from the tears that were stuck in his long lashes but for a second he made contact with another pair of eyes from a boy that had stopped walking passed them to see what was going on. Yamaguchi’s heart felt all warm and fuzy. He thought that they had a really pretty color.

Wait…  
What?

It was the first color he saw in his young life. He had nothing to compare it to but he liked it. He couldn’t really register what was going on. He blinked his tears away and looked around. Everything had colors now. His mom had told him that the sky was blue and grass was green and he never really believed her. Why would he when all he had seen was whites and blacks and greys? That were contrast that he knew. But now he believed his mom. Grass wasn’t just a different shade of grey. It was entirely different from the sky. I looked nothing alike. 

He was just barely noticing how the bigger boy told the bullies they were lame and somehow they backed off after some other words. He was relieved and left looking astonished after the boy that rescued him. Did he see these colors too? Did he do some kind of magic trick so Yamaguchi could? He was confused but he was sure this boy was his hero. This boy was super cool.  
He got up and dusted his shorts clean. The boy was gone already but they had said he was in third grade like Yamaguchi, right? He promised himself to befriend him tomorrow.

His way home was an adventure. He was stunned by everything he came across. He thought the sky looked pretty. So that was blue, he noted in his head and the clouds were white, he knew that for sure. And the sun looked so happy and warm. That was yellow if he remembered his mother’s words right. Grass and leafes were green. And apparently flowers weren’t all different shades of one color but many, many different colors, which names Yamaguchi didn’t know. Some birds he came across were black, another familiar color. He saw the neighbours cat sitting in front of their gate. She had black and grey stripes and while he petted her he smiled over the fact that he seemed to have always seen her right. He still thought she was cute although it would have been way more exciting if she had blue and green stripes. 

Yamaguchi made the last steps to his door in a mix of jumping and running. So much happiness and excitement bubbled in his tummy. He pressed the buzzer, tripping from one foot to the other waiting for his mum to open. When she did he was a little lost for words but the grin of his face grew when he rushed into the house and sat down to take his shoes off. He looked up to her with big eyes, “Okaa-san, you have to teach me all the colors in the world.” He streched his arms out to the ceiling and let himself flop over so he laid on the floor. He felt exhausted. His mother giggled at him: “why so suddenly, you never believed me when I told you?” 

Yamaguchi put his little hands on his chest and felt his heart beat like crazy. “Yeah but I didn’t see them then”, he said sounded a little upset about her giggling. “Do you now?”, she asked obviously confused. Yamaguchi sat up again and looked her in the eyes. “I do”, he nodded enthusiastically, “this dump boys were mean to me again and one pushed me over at the playground.” She interrupted him with a worried expression on her face, “Did they hurt you?” He shook his head and continued his float of words, “before they could there came this boy and he was really tall, he looked like he was in sixth grade but he is actually in third grade like me and we looked at each other and I think my heart felt really warm since I was so excited”, he clutched a hand on his chest, “and then there were all these colors. Okaa-san, there’s nearly nothing black and white anymore! He was so cool. I really want to be his friend. Do you think he wants to be my friend, too?”

His mother kneeled down and ruffled his hair with a smile. He hated when she did that so he held his eyes shut until she was finished. “I’m very sure that he wants to be your friend too.” Yamaguchi smiled broughtly at her, “Really?” She nodded, “do you know what it means that you can see colors now, Tadashi?” He shook his head again. He did not but it was amazing. < /p>

“You just met your soulmate today!”

Again he was confused. It was all a little too much to take in. So many new things to learn and understand. And Yamaguchi wanted to know everything immediatly. He wasn’t even a little sad about the mean boys from his class, just incredibly happy about the boy whose name he didn’t even know. His head spun with questions. His mother gave him a reassuring smile. “How about you ask me all the questions in your head while we eat lunch?” “Yes”, he grinned; that was a great idea. 

 

This evening Yamaguchi found himself in bed not able to sleep because he kept thinking about everything that had happened today. He was told that everyone saw the world like he did until today, up until they met their soulmate. Your soulmate is a person that brings out the best in you that’s why you can see more than just black and white then. Soulmates where meant to be your friend forever. He was really looking forward to being this boy’s friend.  
He was so so cool. Everyone else seemed so lame now.  
Although his father didn’t seem to be as happy as he thought he’d be when he came home and told him about this super duper cool boy that was his soulmate. He wasn’t mad at him though, he hadn’t seen the boy he couldn’t know how amazing he was. Yamaguchi did.  
He did not ask about the warmth he felt in his heart. He had never felt that before but he was never this excited to met someone new so maybe that was the reason. 

 

It took him some time to figure out that that heat was more than just excitement. But just two days to decide that the golden-brown of these two eyes were his favourite color now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Puh, that will be my first bigger project on here and I'm kinda nervous if I can make it but I'll try my best  
> I hope you like it and thank you for reading this first chapter!  
> I love cute little baby Yams omg (/_\\)


	2. the list of scary things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Years later Yamaguchi has finally figured a lot of things out but life can be scary and destiny cruel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter got way longer than expected but I don't want to split it into two  
> I hope you like it, I'm actually not a hundred percent sure how I feel about it but yeah enjoy!

Up until today Yamaguchi was sure approaching Tsukishima Kei and talking to him for the first time was one of the most scary things he had ever done in his life. 

It was one of the hottest days of the year so far, tuesday of his second week of summer break. Normally he probably wouldn’t have known which day it was because during summer break every day just melted into the next, but today was different. This morning Tsukki had left for a week-long vacation with his family. Leaving Yamaguchi behind alone.

Yamaguchi wanted to freak out every time he was without Tsukki for more than two days. Even more because after this break Tsukki and he wouldn’t just return to their well-known middleschool. No, after this break they would be first-years in highschool. That was frightening when he thought about it too much.  
So it happened that he found himself laying on his bed just in a tee shirt and underwear this afternoon thinking about all the scary things he had done in his life. Actually besides the first time he tried talking to Tsukishima, the blond boy had been with him through every other scary situation. 

So maybe speaking to his soulmate the first time in his life was the scariest thing he had ever done. 

It turned out well, though. Tsukishima and him became friends very fast. Everyone was surprised about that. Tsukki wasn’t a person to make friends easily. He kept everyone on distance, wasn’t good with words what made him appear pretty heartless most of the time and expressing emotions wasn’t his strength either.  
Yamaguchi heard it all the time. That he was entirely different. People told him he was kind-hearted and just genuinely nice and easy to get along with right from the moment he met a person. 

Where Tsukki was rude and cold, Yamaguchi was warm and polite.  
Where Yamaguchi was open and talkative, Tsukki was quiet and closed up.  
Where Tsukki was stayed calm and composed, Yamaguchi lost himself in excitement. 

Maybe that was the magic behind them being soulmates.  
Noone that didn’t know about their connection ever understood why he beared being friends with Tsukishima all these years, he didn’t understand how Tsukki had grown to like him either.  
They didn’t look like a perfect match from afar and they didn’t need to. There wasn’t anything complex to understand. They were just made for each other, that was it. He knew what he liked about Tsukki and he knew what Tsukki liked about him. 

It was not like they had never questioned it. They had done it a lot over the years of their friendship. Some of these times were vivid memories, all probably part of his list of scary moments. The earliest he could remember was when he first saw Tsukishima cry. The times he had seen him cry overall could be counted on one hand. 

They had just been friends for some months at that point. He couldn’t remember much but they must’ve gotten in a fight about something, what caused Tsukishima to make a rude comment. It had been so bad apparently that Yamaguchi had started spilling tears. He could remember young Tsukki looking really shocked for a second and then starting to cry himself. He cried because he got so upset about himself but seeing his friend cry made Yamaguchi even sadder and hurt way more. Tsukki had apologised and told him that he didn’t meant to hurt him nor make him cry and didn’t know why he had been so mean.  
He had asked Yamaguchi why he even was his friend when he were so mean all the time. Yamaguchi got so confused at that question that he stopped crying immediately. He must’ve answered something like, “You don’t know that? I’m your friend because you’re super cool and I really like you. Also we’re meant to be friends forever, right?”  
On that day Yamaguchi made Tsukishima pinky promise that they would always stay friends, like each other and forgive the other no matter how mean they were.

When he thought about it nothing seemed really scary when Tsukishima had been by his side except for the times it directly effected said boy. So there was this other thing he did approximately half a year ago that had felt extremely scary.

Yamaguchi had come out to Tsukki. 

 

Besides the fact that Yamaguchi’s heart had been beating loud enough for him to hear it literally the entire day, it was just a afternoon like every other. After volleyball practise they went to Tsukishima’s place to hang out. There they were, watching a documentary about dinosaurs. He had seen plenty of those since Tsukki loved them and he had happily picked up a little of his friend’s obbsession with dinosaurs when they were little. 

But today was the day. Step one to his plan of slowly planting the thought of them being more than platonic soulmates in Tsukki’s head. Maybe one day he would be able to ask him out then. Not now, not too fast.

Yes, Yamaguchi was in love with the tall blond boy. Deeply in love. Totally hopeless. They were soulmates, he couldn’t help falling for him over and over every day. 

He had done his research by now.  
When they met, they were too young to really understand this whole soulmate thing. They just knew they had a power now that not a single kid they knew had and they kept it their little secret. They continued that way. Besides their families nobody else knew about it and nobody had to. It was their treasure.  
Pretending to just see black and white was easier anyway. You couldn’t confuse anyone when you reffered to things as lighter or darker rather than their colors. Everyone could understand that wether they saw colors or not. 

The major difference Yamaguchi didn’t get due to his young age was that there were platonic and romantic soulmates. He had known that he loved Tsukki. More than any other friend. But it seemed to take forever for him to figure out if that love was platonic or not.  
By now he had read a lot about soulmates thanks to the internet. He read about romantic soulmates that felt like they had loved their significant other before they even met each other, about love at first sight and feelings that needed a little time to bloom. He also read about platonic soulmates where one fell for the other or even both for each other but apperently that never worked out right. 

Apparently you shouldn’t question destiny since it told pretty clear if two people are meant to be friends or lovers.  
It told you by a heat in your chest when you first meet your soulmate’s eyes. 

There was one thing that scared Yamaguchi about that. It shouldn’t happen often, actually just very rarely, but sometimes it didn’t match perfectly. It was possible that one saw the other as their romantic soulmate but they saw them as their platonic one. Sometimes one was doomed to never ending unrequired love.  
Destiny could be very cruel. 

On his list of things he was afraid of this was definetely number one.  
It was very unusual to met your soulmate so early in your life so why would he be safe from that. For him Tsukishima was his romantic soulmate but he was never brave enough to ask him directly what he was to him since he was about ninety percent sure it wasn’t the same. 

He wanted to trick destiny anyways. Maybe if he was able to make Tsukishima fall for him “the regular way”, they could make a relationship work. But he wouldn’t rush that. He was more comfortable with the thought of unrequired love than losing his best friend. 

Coming out was an important step to his plan but honestly he just wanted to get it off his chest. He hadn’t been sure about his sexuality for long, he had always just loved Tsukki but he was for long enough now that it was time to tell his soulmate. Besides his feelings for him he didn’t keep any secrets from Tsukki and he didn’t want to start.  
He figured out because even though he was in love he obviously still felt attraction towards other people, especially because he was in a weird state of surpressing feelings that would never go away. He found it absolutely okay to crush a little on other people. It was obviously never anything serious but he knew that if Tsukishima would never reciprocate his feelings he wouldn’t give up on love. Maybe he wouldn’t find someone that could make him completely forget his feelings for Tsukki but one that he loved enough to make him view his friend as nearly platonic. 

Yamaguchi took a deep breath. “Tsukki, I need to tell you something... It’s important.” The blond turned his head to look at him and just waited silently for him to continue. “I get when you want some space after hearing this”, he mumbled, kind of losing himself in golden-brown, “but I really hope that this doesn’t change anything between us.” Impatiently Tsukishima readjusted his glasses, “What is ist?” 

“Tsukki, I’m bisexual.”

Tsukishima sighed relieved, “and here I thought something drastic had happened.” Confusion and relief, that was all that Yamaguchi felt in that moment. A simple “what” was all that left his lips. What was it exactly that Tsukki tried to say?

“I’m gay, Yamaguchi, I don’t care”, he started his explanation, “why did you even think that would change anything? I’m not an idiot.”

Yamaguchi didn’t know why he was scared anymore. He should’ve known that Tsukishima wouldn’t dump him for that. Tsukki definetly wasn’t an idiot, but maybe he was. But there was something else that made his heart jump in excitement and the butterflies in his stomach throw a party. Tsukishima had just come out to him too and that was the best reaction he could’ve ever gotten.

Instead of saying another words Yamaguchi just reached out to hug Tsukki. It wasn’t just the fact that his plan was way more likely to succed now that he knew that Tsukishima liked boys that made him happy but way more importantly that he trusted him enough to tell him that. It might didn’t look like it but Yamaguchi knew that it took him a lot of courage to say something like that.

 

Honestly that didn’t seem scary at all anymore. If he could do all these things why was he even afraid of going to a new school? He had Tsukki to support and protect him, what could go wrong?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How did you like it? I hope you enjoyed reading.  
> And here a huge thank you to the sweet comments I got and to everyone that left Kudos or subscribed! I love y'all! <3  
> And as always thank you for reading and sorry if there are any mistakes, I'm trying to improve my english ._.


	3. a lonely ride

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is way shorter, than what I'd usually post since I always try to end up around 1k at least but school and other stuff is kinda making my mental health jump out of the nearest window...
> 
> So here I am with a short special chapter from Tsukki's POV. I hope you enjoy it anyway

The week without Yamaguchi would be insanely lonely. Tsukishima knew that. He did feel a little bad for it but the knowledge that Yamaguchi would feel lonely too was somehow comforting to him.   
They both hated to be seperated. Maybe that was the one thing Tsukishima hated the most in his life. He felt pathetic without Yamaguchi by his side and that made him feel even more pathetic. It was hopeless.

He would’ve rather enjoyed a relaxing week than breaking his own heart by overthinking and missing a person that didn’t miss him in the same way. Actually, he didn’t know.   
He had never asked Yamaguchi, he had just assumed that they saw things differently.   
Sure, Yamaguchi’s and his soul matched perfectly but that didn’t mean they had to fall for each other. Destiny told him that Yamaguchi was perfect for him to fall in love with, but it’s not like it’s a settled thing. Even though society likes to tell you otherwise, it’s just a push in the right direction. No heat in no chest was able to put feelings where none want to be. There’s just a lot of social pressure for it to happen.   
He didn’t have to fall for Yamaguchi. He was in third grade when Yamaguchi’s sight set his chest burning, chances would’ve been high that his feelings would have stayed platonic. 

But that wasn’t the point. He did. He fell for his soulmate. Hard. Without any escape. And he was convinced, he would have fallen for him regardless of him being his soulmate. He couldn’t see how you could not fall in love with this boy.   
The point was though, he was perfectly aware of how you couldn’t fall in love with him easily.   
Yamaguchi was stunning and kind and full of sunshine. He was adorable and outgoing and had a heart made of gold. He, himself, was none of that. He wasn’t good with words or people, he was cold and distant and a coward.   
He knew that Yamaguchi could get really anxious before talking to people, actually he got anxious all the time but that rarely ever stopped him. His own anxiety stopped him lots of times, but his best friend was always by his side to help. He simply adored him.   
But Yamaguchi didn’t need to fall in love with him and he couldn’t imagine why he would. 

Loving someone out of your reach is awful. Loving someone within your reach that you can’t have anyway is cruel. He was so madly in love that it physically hurt. It hurt when they shared a bed and he was dying to put his arms around Yamaguchi. It was a torture when Yamaguchi hugged him quickly when he was excited or thankful and he wished he would never let go. All these things were so normal to them, but he got used to that pain.   
Because he got used to the joy. He got used to the happiness. To that bubbly feeling in his stomach when the brunette smiled at him from ear to ear. To that content feeling when he was around, the comfort. Yamaguchi was to him what coming home after an exhausting day felt like. He made him feel optimistic, like everything would somehow turn out okay in the end no matter what. That sure wasn’t a thought he would have without his soulmate’s influence.   
There had always been so much laughter and excitement.  
It was pathetic how happy Yamaguchi made him. 

 

In that moment he drew a line. On that ride to a family vacation, he had finally enough. He didn’t know why it was exactly now. Maybe because of all the changes ahead. Maybe because he was particularly lonely right now.   
But it was time.

He had to tell Yamaguchi Tadashi that he loved him with every inch of his body. 

But Tsukishima had to find a way to sound cooler. Yamaguchi deseved more than a pathetic mess of a person. He was an actual angel. He deserved an heavenly “I love you”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading and sorry fror keeping you waiting!  
> Also a big THANK YOU here to anyone who subscribed, bookmarked or left kudos already on this kinda flawed piece of getting used to writing in English!
> 
> ~Have a wonderful day guys~


	4. hearts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I can keep this updated in a good pace but exam period is coming up and life is just stressful...  
> However, I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Yamaguchi was spread across the floor on his back, some earphones plugged in, tossing a ball over his face. It was relaxing to him. It kept him from thinking too much since his mind was already busy concentrating on the ball and the music all at once. Today it wasn’t really effective.   
He tossed the ball once more but instead of landing right back in his hands it hit the ground somewhere behind his head. The first chord of Tsukki’s favourite song had just started playing in his ears.

A painful reminder of everything he didn’t want to think about right now. He didn’t want to think about how tight Tsukishima had hugged him when he saw him for the first time after his vacation. About how great it had felt when both had just allowed themselves to get lost in that hug, Tsukki’s arms firmly wrapped around his waist, his own holding on to the taller one’s neck. They had hugged so much longer than they normally would have. It was a bit like they needed the other to feel complete.

But just a bit. Yamaguchi could understand that way of thinking but he didn’t like it. He didn’t want to think that they were only complete together. Both of them were complete persons on their own. They were just meant to make something even greater combined. Like orange and blue looked way brighter together or violet and yellow. Like sun and rain together make a rainbow.   
Every of these things were perfectly fine on their own, some liked them some didn’t, but together they made something better. 

He was a better person with Tsukishima by his side. He was still the Yamaguchi he was without him but Tsukki highlighted his best features. He was happier, more confident, his smile was wider, his eyes brighter.   
Green wasn’t just green, it was emerald and lime and jade. Colors were a little more vibrant, the sun was a bit warmer, the air a hint fresher.  
Tsukki hadn’t just brought color into his eyes but also into his heart. Their souls had touched that day and tinted each other forever. Yamaguchi’s life was colored in now, making it better in every aspect. 

He also didn’t want to think about how close they had been over the last weeks since Tsukki was back. Close in a physical way. Somehow they had given up the idea of personal space. In some way they were always touching. Whether it was their hands barely noticeable brushing against each other or his head resting on Tsukki’s shoulder while watching a movie.   
He liked that, he really did but it was a little much. It planted a hope in his heart that he maybe shouldn’t have. 

An image of Tsukki’s smile flickered in front of his eyes and the last thing he wanted to be reminded of came to his mind. He covered his face in his hand and sighed. A noise full of frustration.   
Lately he had this deep urge of wanting to kiss the blond. He wanted to do that for quite some time but lately it was so persistent. So insanely hard to ignore. 

It was getting late. Tomorrow was their first day of highschool. He was so anxious he couldn't stand it. There was so much that could go wrong. What if he messed up? There was so much to mess up. What if everyone in his class hated him or he disliked the members of the volleyball team? Sure, he had Tsukki but what if he messed that up too?   
What if he made a move too fast? Or Tsukki couldn’t stand the thought of his best friend loving him, when he confessed? What if Tsukki fell for someone else?   
Yamaguchi’s heart felt heavy and breathing was starting to feel harder.

Just then his phone buzzed in his pocket. It was Tsukki.   
“You’re still up worrying, right?   
Stop that and go to bed already.  
I can’t stand you when you’re tired.”   
Yamaguchi’s heart jumped in his chest. To some that would’ve sounded harsh but he knew how affectionate it was meant. While he was reading it over, deciding on a proper answer, a new message arrived.  
“Everything will be fine, okay? I’m there”

His heart had skipped a beat and he had stopped breathing. He was sure. He had definitely been dead for a second. How lucky was he? What amount of good karma had he saved up to deserve this?  
Yamaguchi loved him. He loved Tsukishima so much.

God, he had to answer.  
“Thanks Tsukki ^^  
I’ll go to bed then! Get some sleep yourself!  
See you tomorrow <3”  
Sending hearts was a risky thing, but sometimes he just felt like it, no matter how scary it was.

“night <3”  
That was it. It took Yamaguchi nearly ten minutes to recover from that, before he stood up and got ready for bed. It may didn’t seem like much, but he was about to have a panic attack if he had kept thinking but as always Tsukki had somehow known. He knew what Yamaguchi needed to hear and not only that. Tsukishima had been so openly nice. He was always nice to him, but more subtle. He had sent him a heart. That was more than rare. 

Yamaguchi ended up sleeping well that night. Feeling protected and safe. Everything was going to be fine, just like Tsukki had said.  
Yamaguchi had his soulmate by his side. The boy that he loved more than anything. Nothing could take their connection away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU SO MUCH  
> I'm getting such cute comments and there are already so many kudos and subscriptions and bookmarks. I'm really happy people enjoy this (/_\\)


	5. oh would you be so kind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So "Would you be so kind" by Dodie Clark got me in the mood for writing this chapter so a cookie for each indirect quote you find ^^  
> I really should've have spending my time doing my art project instead of writing this but here you have another chapter:  
> I hope you enjoy

Yamaguchi was staring too much, wasn’t he? He kind of just kept staring. The whole first day of highschool. He knew he shouldn’t but Tsukki looked so gorgeous in Karasuno’s uniform. 

Couldn't Tsukki just be so kind and fall in love with him? They were soulmates anyway, wasn't that enough. 

Obviously it wasn't. He was going crazy. How was Tsukishima even supposed to fall for him? With what did Yamaguchi even deserve a soulmate this good looking? Tsukki was so much more perfect than he would ever be.  
He was making himself sad but he couldn’t help it. He and his stupid lack of self esteem. 

But Yamaguchi had enough butterflies in him, he could share. He knew he was being childish but he did wish he could just put some of all the feelings he had in his chest in Tsukki’s and things were sealed. 

Suddenly he was pulled out of the way by his wrist. If Tsukki hadn’t reacted he would have run into a kind of scary looking man. Surprised he looked up, finding Tsukki frowning deeply at him: “Yamaguchi, you're not paying attention to anything, are you?” They had stopped walking, Tsukki still holding onto his wrist, equalling in them standing way too close for his taste. 

Yamaguchi could feel the slight contact between his shoulder and and Tsukki’s upper arm like a burning wildfire. Not to mention how much heat was radiating from under Tsukishima’s fingers on his skin. Totally startled he was staring into this gold-brown that resembled home to him. He was so close he could see his own reflection in them, even through the glasses, and somehow that was probably the first time he found it pretty. Was he pretty in Tsukki’s eyes?  
He was so close he would have just needed to stand on his toes and he could’ve pressed their lips together. The gap between their faces was painfully small.  
He wasn't paying attention to “anything”, he was just paying attention to his soulmate. And he was hyper aware of him. 

Tsukishima was getting closer, wasn't he? Yamaguchi tried to tell himself, that he was imagining things, but he wasn't. Tsukki was indeed leaning in.  
Yamaguchi had already forgotten how to breathe. His heart was beating so strongly, he felt like his ribs were about to break.  
Anticipation made seconds feel like decades. 

And then a decade long second later, Tsukki let go of his wrist and took an unsteady step back. He turned his gaze away from Yamaguchi, readjusting his glasses. An unsuccessful attempt on hiding the blush that had spread on his face. He seemed to be out of breath. Somewhat confused looking he shook his head.  
Maybe at himself, maybe to get his thoughts in place or maybe, the mean voice in Yamaguchi’s head added, because kissing his best friend was absurd to him, not even an option that could be considered, maybe even disgusting. 

It took him until Tsukishima started walking again to realise what was going on. He was still standing on the sidewalk, a bunch of people passing by. His face was burning and he, too, was somehow out of breath from holding it in.  
He had totally blocked out, that they were in public. That seemed like a logical reason why they didn’t end up kissing but he hadn’t dumped the thought of Tsukki just not liking idea of them doing it. 

Taking a shaky breath he hurried after Tsukishima. “Sorry, Tsukki.”  
“Just watch out next time”, he murmured.  
It were the last words they shared until they parted besides a “see you tomorrow” from Yamaguchi and a “yeah, bye” from Tsukki. Both were okay with that though. Sometimes silence was all they needed and both were spacing out in their own thoughts anyway. 

 

The day passed by quickly, but Yamaguchi just could not stop thinking about what happened.  
What if they had been alone in that moment, would have Tsukki kissed him then? Would he have made a move himself maybe?  
His head was spinning. 

It was late already and he had tried falling asleep but failed, so he reached for his phone. There was one question burning atop of his head. So he just decided to go for it.  
Tsukishima’s chat was the first. Still that heart as the last message. 

“Are you still up?”. Simple but a start, he thought yet kind of already regretting it. He didn’t have to have to wait long for an answer. “I can’t really sleep so yes”. Instantly Yamaguchi felt worry building up. He had hoped for him to be awake but for some video game or a documentary, not him being unable to sleep.  
Tsukishima suffered from insomnia. He himself didn't thought it was bad enough to even get it checked but Yamaguchi tended to get sick of worries easily and this was definitely something worth worrying about. Sometimes he thought it bugged him more than Tsukki. 

He still had to answer: “Oh I’m sorry to hear that. But I need to ask you something. It might seem strange ._.” Yamaguchi was getting anxious. What if he didn't get the answer he wanted? What if he did get it?  
“What is it?” The repl came too fast for his taste. He wanted to think this through once more. 

“Tsukki, when we first met…  
Did you feel a heat in your chest?” 

And there it was. No going back. He added sending this text to the imaginary list of the most scary things he had ever done. 

“I did, I thought I was going to die  
Wait…  
Didn't you know??”

Yamaguchi read these lines over and over again. It was what he wanted to hear and he was happy but something was still off.  
Why hadn’t they talked about it then? 

“You never told me!  
You never asked either”

“Never thought it was necessary, I felt it so I was sure you did too  
that’s it.”

Yamaguchi felt pathetic somehow. Tsukki stayed so calm. He didn't care so insanely much about things like that. He didn't doubt himself as bad as he did. He was way more rational. 

“I mean I did feel it too but…  
It does happen that it doesn’t fit” 

He couldn't help his doubts. He never could. Worrying was his superpower. If he had to name his greatest talent: worrying and overthinking until it physically hurt his head. 

“Yamaguchi are you an idiot?  
It’s probably way more common to be hit by lightning  
Don’t tell me you have been actually anxious about this  
Stop worrying about that immediately  
We’re soulmates for a reason, did you ever feel like we didn't match?” 

Yamaguchi sighed. He didn't. He thought they were perfect for each other. No matter how much he doubted that he deserved him. No matter how often they had questioned it, in the end he could never imagine to belong to anyone else. 

“Maybe I am an idiot and no I never felt like that”

“Stop that, I’m the only one that is allowed to call you idiot”

He giggled. Tsukki was such a dork, he was his dork, right?  
He loved him. And Tsukki had felt that heat too, so they actually were romantic soulmates. That meant he had a chance, didn't it?  
That gave him room to just confess. 

“Sorry Tsukki ^~^ I’ll try to sleep now, I hope you’re able to fall asleep soon <3” 

“Good night, you smol idiot <3” 

 

This was the second time Tsukki made his heart jump today. Soon he found his way into the land of dreams. Burning the vivid memory of almost having kissed his soulmate after an exhausting first day of highschool into his mind.  
Yamaguchi was truly happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and all that stuff I always say thank you for!  
> Have a great day~


	6. you went too fast

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry

A week flew by like nothing and soon they found themselves sitting on Tsukishima's bed facing each other on a sunday morning. Yesterday they had played their first volleyball game against the other two first years.   
They really were an annoying duo but Yamaguchi was somehow sure he would grow to like them.   
Kageyama seemed a quite scary but he was used to that thanks to Tsukki. He was sure Kageyama was just awful at having to interact with people.   
And Hinata was just a ball of energy. He kind of reminded him of a bouncy ball. Yes, that was probably the perfect description for him. 

But all that wasn't important right now. It was far away. There was something more important. Yamaguchi had spent the night over and yesterday before he had fallen asleep right next to Tsukki he had made up his mind. He was going to tell him now. 

“Tsukki, I need to tell you something.”   
Yamaguchi was getting insanely nervous. He was anxious and scared but he had kept this bottled up or far too long. It needed to be said.   
Tsukki tilted his head slightly to the left. “Are you trying to come out a second time?”, he asked with a sarcastic looking grin on his face. Aside from all the nervousness it made Yamaguchi chuckle. He had developed a very strange sense of humor, again thanks to Tsukishima. He adored how easy he could make him laugh though. 

“It kinda feels like that”, Yamaguchi murmured. His smile was gone as quickly as it came and he was back to his anxious seriousness.   
Tsukishima went serious too and his gaze felt like it was about to pierce right through Yamaguchi’s soul. Not very helpful. Mesmerizing and even a little magical but definitely not helpful.   
He took a deep breath and started his restless explanation:

“I..  
I really need to get this off my chest now…  
I always tried to keep this away from you…  
I guess I just never really thought that…  
this had a chance…   
That we had this kind of a chance…  
It's okay if you don't feel the same about me…”, he had to stop himself for a second because his voice was shaking.   
“I just need you to know…   
Nothing has to change…  
if you don't want it to…  
I just want you to be aware of…  
my feelings for you I guess”

Tsukishima's eyes were wide with shock what made Yamaguchi fell silent. Was this that awful to hear? A pain shot through his heart that made it hard to breathe for a second.   
Tsukki took a deep breath and readjusted his glasses trying to compose himself. He looked like he wanted to say something but nothing left his lips.   
A little confused Yamaguchi continued: “What I'm trying to say is… that I…” 

“Stop, Yamaguchi”, Tsukishima interrupted. He tried to sound confident but his voice was unsteady.

Yamaguchi’s heart felt painfully heavy. He thought he was prepared for Tsukki rejecting his feelings but he wasn't at all. This hurt more than he had imagined it.   
“Just let me say it once, okay? I’ll shut up after that.”   
It felt hard to keep it together. This really wasn't what he had anticipated. Tsukki firmly shook his head.   
Yamaguchi’s vision started getting blurry. How could Tsukki look this soft and caring while breaking his soulmate’s heart? 

He looked down trying to hide his watery eyes but Tsukishima put a hand under his chin to make him meet his eyes.   
And like so many other times before this golden brown did its magic. No matter how much he wanted to resist, he was hopelessly lost. 

When Tsukki started talking, his voice was surprisingly soft and soothing. “I don't want you to say it just once. I’d be pretty disappointed by that… I just want to be the first to say it.”   
Yamaguchi’s mind went blank, he just stared trying to understand what was happening.   
Tsukki dropped his hand and avoided eye contact. Was he embarrassed?   
“You were a little too fast for me. You see, I was still figuring out how... I’d confess to you. I guess I thought you deserved making a big deal out of it.” 

There was an aching spark of hope in Yamaguchi’s heart. He went through too many emotions for this short period of time and the first overwhelmed tear left his eyes. He immediately wiped it away but Tsukki had already noticed. His features full of pain, he pulled his friend into a tight embrace, letting him bury his face against his shoulder. 

“I love you, Yamaguchi”

A heartbreaking sob left Yamaguchi’s throat, making his whole body tremble. Tears were messily streaming down his face by now, soaking right into Tsukki’s shirt. 

“You’re an idiot, Tsukki” 

Yamaguchi heard a quiet sniff followed by Tsukki swallowing hard before he got a quiet “I am” as an answer. He moved back just enough to reach up and wipe away the single tear that was rolling down his soulmate’s cheek. He smiled lightly: “Don't you dare to join me in my ugly cry.” 

Tsukishima was lightly shaking when he leaned his forehead against Yamaguchi’s. Both closing their eyes they calmed each other instantly down. “That's easier said than done… I didn't mean to make you cry, Yams.”   
“I know”, Yamaguchi couldn't help a relieved laugh, “how long has it been since you called me that?” 

He used to call him that when they were really little but after some weeks Akiteru had picked it up so Tsukki had stopped, because he found it lame. Akiteru dropped it again when Yamaguchi got older but Tsukki never returned to it.   
Yamaguchi heard embarrassment in Tsukki’s voice when he replied: “I call you that in my head everyday.”   
Carefully he shifted his weight, letting his hands slide down Yamaguchi’s back until they found their place on his waist. His lips were even closer now. 

Yamaguchi lightly tugged at Tsukki's shirt. “Can I kiss you?”, he whispered his voice dripping with anticipation.   
Instead of giving a verbal answer, Tsukki just pressed their lips together.   
There was fireworks going off in his stomach as they moved their lips together. He felt lightheaded from all the happiness and relief in him.   
He had waited years for this and it was better than he had ever imagined it. It was better because this was real.   
Unwillingly he let go of the kiss leaning his forehead back against Tsukki's. He needed a second to catch his breath but more importantly there was one thing left to do.

“Tsukki?”  
“Mhm?”  
“I love you, too”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I cried writing this, I'm so sorry Yams ;-;
> 
> I had a lot of trouble writing this because writers block hit me really hard and my life was just really out of control lately. I basically wrote this twice and thanks to my mental state today this is a lot sadder than the first version but I'm way happier with how this turned out.   
> Sorry for making you wait and then suffer (/_\\)
> 
> But hey they made it


	7. pathetic and lame

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm super duper sick so here is just a smaller Tsukki chapter.  
> I hope you guys like it!  
> Tsukki is being extra lovey dovey this chapter. I swear I love making him go on and on about how much he loves Yams, 'cause we all know that's all that this nerd thinks about.

Tsukishima’s head was spinning. He had kind of fucked up, hadn't he?  
Was that even a question?  
Yamaguchi had cried.  
He did fuck up. 

Nothing went the way it was supposed to be. Nothing at all. Yamaguchi had been way too fast. He caught him totally off guard. He had been so concentrated on finding a way to confess, that wasn't totally pathetic, that the possibility of Yamaguchi confessing first didn't even occur him. 

Tsukishima was mad at himself. Mad for making Yamaguchi cry, mad for not being faster, mad for being such a pathetic mess.  
He didn't cry often, he didn't cry easily but once Yamaguchi was sobbing he lost his composure completely. It happened every time, although he wasn't sure how aware his best friend was of that.  
Yamaguchi had always looked up to him for being “strong” but he was not. 

Tsukishima was just better at keeping things bottled up. Yamaguchi would tell him when something was up, always. He was the one looking up to his soulmate for that. Yamaguchi would try to keep things in but eventually he'd tell at least Tsukki. Tsukishima was different, sometimes he tried so hard to get things out but words tend to be stuck in his throat.  
It was awful and pathetic and painful. But most importantly, it was one of the reasons why he was so happy to have Yamaguchi by his side and no one else. 

Tsukishima trusted Yamaguchi with his life. He had never felt this strongly for a person and he knew that he never would in the future. Yamaguchi was an exception in every matter.  
He was an exception when it came to physical contact or sharing feelings and thoughts. Yamaguchi knew what he meant to say when he failed again and he knew how much affection were in words that seemed random. Yamaguchi knew that hurting others was nothing more than a defense mechanism. A way of coping. 

Sometimes Yamaguchi knew Tsukishima better than he did himself, because he could always tell when Tsukki wasn't being himself.  
Somehow he knew all this and still he had just told him that he loved him. 

It was crazy, totally out of the rational. Tsukishima was such a flawed human being and yet it was Yamaguchi, the perfect human copy of an angel, leaning on him while watching a movie, whose content never reached Tsukki's brain.  
He was mad and he was happy. Most of all he was happily and madly in love. 

Starting a movie had been the attempt on calming Yamaguchi down after the mess that had just taken place here. They were sitting on the ground, leaning against the frame of the bed, a thin blanket loosely wrapped around their shoulders.  
They had done that a million times. They had already been way closer but this was different. It didn't hurt. It was okay to stare and get lost. It was still okay when he put his arm around Yamaguchi and he snuggled up closer to Tsukki’s side. 

Things were okay for now. Tsukishima didn't know for how long but this was not the time to worry about that. He would make sure Yamaguchi was as happy as he could be from now on. More than he had so far.  
Tsukishima always just wanted to protect his soulmate. The one thing he could get hot-blooded about. Since it wasn't useless.  
Yamaguchi was a gift. Too precious for most humans, definitely too precious for him either but destiny had put them together, so he was going to make the most out of it. 

It was pathetic how much he depended on Yamaguchi. It was lame how much he loved his soulmate.  
But he was okay with being lame and pathetic in this situation.  
Being pathetic maybe wasn't that bad if that meant he could hold the love of his life in his arms or if it meant kissing Yamaguchi Tadashi. 

When they were little Yamaguchi once told him that he thought Tsukishima’s eyes had a pretty color. He didn't know if the other even remembered that. He did. He did because he wondered if that was the only color Yamaguchi liked about him since he felt so amazed by every color Yamaguchi had. His skin, his eyes, his hair and last but not least his freckles. 

Yamaguchi was a walking masterpiece.  
Yams was his walking masterpiece now.   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and thank you so much for over 100 kudos and nearly 1000 hits, i can't believe people actually like this stuff  
> Thank you for every subscribtion or comment!  
> I hope I'll manage to see you soon!


	8. sleepless moon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first chapters I wrote on my new phone so bear with me if it corrected anything into german and I didn't see it yet, I'll be reading over it again later with a bit of distance.  
> I'm sorry for keeping you guys wait for so long again but I'll have break from Thursday for two weeks so I hope I'll be able to upload the next one way faster!

Yamaguchi had expected that things would feel different now, but they didn't. Not much at least.  
Tsukishima and he had always been close, extremely close, so all this couple stuff didn't feel like a huge step to them. Sure, kissing was super exciting but more because Yamaguchi wasn't sure if he was good at it yet and most importantly because it was fun. It made him feel all warm and happy inside.  
Cuddling and holding hands were not a big deal at all, they had done it a bunch times before, when they tried to comfort each other or just when they felt lazy and cold, for example. Yamaguchi was still happy about being able to do it whenever he wanted to now, although he was a little worried to overdo it, since he knew that Tsukki didn't always like to be touched. He'd be as careful as he could, he had promised himself that.

Yamaguchi had imagined himself being nervous around Tsukki all the time for a while because he had never been in a relationship and he had indeed been nervous for the first two days, but he had realised one thing.  
It was Tsukki he had started dating. It sounded stupid but it was an important realisation for Yamaguchi.  
This wasn't like dating anyone else.  
Tsukki was his soulmate and they had been best friends for years. There was no need to impress him anymore in order to make him like him. Tsukki did already. Tsukki had even said he loved him.  
So he didn't have to act like he had to do everything perfectly, right? Tsukki liked the way he handled things so he just had to continue being himself.  
Maybe he should become a better version of himself to maintain Tsukki's feelings for him but again more importantly to make him happier with himself.  
However, they’d grow together, like they had always done. There was no need to worry for now.

Lost in thought, Yamaguchi finally realised how close Tsukishima’s house actually was already. It was a sunday noon and the entire neighbourhood felt lazy and slow. The sun wasn't burning yellow today. It was rather a warm but gentle orange. Yamaguchi liked it the most like that, although he’d always prefered the moon. It had something more majestic and magical, even in black and white. He couldn't remember much from how things looked before things got color for him but he did remember the night sky. Maybe because it wasn't much different in color but either way it had something powerful to it, something soothing and yet so scarily unknown.  
Life felt like that to him sometimes and other times life felt too busy and too unpredictable and in these times he found comfort in knowing that the moon and the stars were something that he could count on to come around every night, even if you couldn't see them.

Tsukki was that to him as well. Tsukishima was his moon. He could always count on him like that too.  
Just like he could barely remember being without color, he could barely remember being without Tsukki.

Today was a little blurry. Yamaguchi had reached the door and rung the bell before he had realised it completely.  
He was feeling a little off but overall more than happy to see Tsukki. It had been two weeks since they started dating so every bittersweet taste, that visiting had because of his suppressed feelings was gone.

Akiteru greeted Yamaguchi with a wide smile. He was always so open about his happiness, not like his little brother at all.  
Okay, that wasn't entirely true. Yamaguchi had seen Tsukki smile this wide too but he just did that for him and just very rarely.  
Making Tsukki smile like this felt like winning a multi-million jackpot. It was one of the things that made him the happiest but in fact that wasn't surprising, Tsukki just made him happy as a whole.  
It had been a while since they had seen each other so they exchanged a bit of chattering small talk about how they had been doing before Akiteru ruffled the younger boys hair in his brotherly manner and told him that Tsukki was upstairs in his room.  
Yamaguchi knew how bad Akiteru wished for Tsukki to let him be more of a big brother to him, so he let him be one to him. Actually, Akiteru did feel like a big brother to him, just like Tsukki's parents felt a little like parents to him as well. He had been a part of their family for years, just like Tsukki had been one of his.

Tsukishima was laying on his bed. Headphones in both of his ears. Yamaguchi couldn't help a little grin when he saw that they were actually plugged in a splitter and not directly into his phone, patiently waiting for his own to be plugged in as well. He was slowly making his way to the bed. “My mum asked when you'll come over for dinner the next time", Yamaguchi giggled a little, “I think she’s missing you.”  
Tsukki carefully took his glasses off, rubbing his eyes: “I’ll see.” The sound of his voice made Yamaguchi’s heart drop. “Are you alright?”, his voice was drowning in worries already. He put his glasses in the bedside table.  
Tsukki shrugged: “I guess.” He reached out to take Yamaguchi's wrist and lightly tugged at it to make him bend down. Yamaguchi let their lips meet in a quick kiss, that made his heart beat faster.

Their eyes met after letting go again. The gold looked dull and old. “Couldn’t sleep well again, could you?”, Yamaguchi rather stated than asked.  
A nod: “basically not at all.” Yamaguchi smiled gently down at him. “Wanna take a nap now?” He knew that Tsukishima somehow always slept better with him around.  
“We don't have to”, Tsukki insisted, “I can get up, so we can do something.”  
Yamaguchi stretched his arms over his head, faking a yawn. “You know, Tsukki, I'm so tired, I really need that nap now.”

And there it was that warm smile that was just reserved for Yamaguchi.

Tsukki reached out again. “Come.” Yamaguchi gladly followed, climbing on top of his soulmate. He fished his headphones out of his pocket, plugged them in and snuggled up to Tsukki as close as he could. He wrapped his arms around him in response, keeping him that close.

Their hearts were beating strongly against each other. Their breaths slowing down until they were unconsciously in sinc.  
Life was fine like that. It couldn't get to them. Nothing could. Nothing bad in the world could bother them in such a moment.  
There was just them, their sound sleep and their love, that was keeping them warm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for keeping up with me and my mess  
> I hope you enjoyed that chapters and thanks for all the support through kudos, comments, subs and stuff I really, really appreciate that!


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